May 27, 2004
-
Welcome to Tiger’s Summer Movie Guide, where you get input from a picky “fallen angel” realist student filmmaker instead of lofty cinema purist critics who only like artsy/independent films that get zero release (the critic remark is not my quote, but I like it). Unfortunately, this summer does not seem to be nearly as promising as last summer (But then again, how can you compete with a huge summer that gave us X2, Finding Nemo, The Matrix Reloaded, and Pirates of the Caribbean, among others?). However, I’ll give you my take on how these mostly as-yet-unreleased (some have already been released, since I’m a little late with this) movies, as well as give you an indication as to how likely I am to see them (in most cases, I’m not likely, but I’ll still talk about them). By the way, the summaries and release dates come courtesy of MSN.com or IMDB (in other words, I did not write the summaries). I decided to keep MSN’s hyperlinks in, just in case you wanted to read up on something or someone (and this will also help differentiate the MSN summaries from the IMDB summaries).
UPDATE: I decided to do this over the course of several days, highlighting a different genre each day, because the thing is too damn long to put into one post (It’s already extremely long with each genre). So without further ado…
Comedy/Romance
Movie: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Release Date: July 9
Summary: It's the '70s, and Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) is a popular
My Take: I hadn’t even heard of this movie until recently. I’m not really a big fan of Will Ferrell, to tell you the truth. He was funny enough on Saturday Night Live, but for some reason, most SNL alums just don’t make good movies (neither do SNL sketches, for that matter; what is funny for ten minutes might not be funny for two hours). At any rate, it just isn’t my cup of tea.
How Likely I Am to See It: Unlikely
Movie: The Stepford Wives
Release Date: June 11
Summary: Joanna Eberhart, a wildly succesful president of a TV Network, after a series of shocking events suffers a nervous breakdown and is moved by her milquetoast of a husband, Walter, from Manhattan to the chic, upper-class and very modern planned community of Stepford, Connecticut. Once there, she makes good friends with the ascerbic Bobbie Markowitz, a jewish writer who's also a recovering alcoholic. Together they find out, much to their growing stupor and-then horror, that all the housewives in town are strangely blissful, and somehow... doomed. What is going on behind the closed doors of the Stepford Men's Association and the Stepford Day Spa? Why is everything perfect here? Will it be too late for Joanna and Bobbie when they finally find out? (NOTE: This summary is courtesy of IMDB).
My Take: This is based on a horror movie made in 1975, although this time they’re re-making it as a comedy. I saw the first five minutes of the original when I was 12 or 13, and I managed to guess the plot of the movie almost exactly, even though I had never heard of it before (**SPOILER** Except I thought that the wives were brainwashed instead of being replaced with robots, but the idea was the same **END SPOILER**). I saw the last five minutes a few years later, to which my reaction was “Well, that kinda sucks” (the ending itself, not the movie, which I can’t really give an opinion on). I don’t know if this re-make will end the same way, but I will probably try to find out before I decide whether or not to see it (I know, I know, but with The Movie Spoiler, doing that is pretty easy, and some movies you just want to know more about before you see them).
How Likely I Am to See It: Maybe, if I have nothing else to do or one of my friends wants to see it.
Movie: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Release Date: June 18
Summary: A group of misfits enter a
My Take: Not a fan of Ben Stiller; not interested.
How Likely I Am to See It: No chance
Movie: New York Minute
Release Date: May 7
Summary: One day in
My Take: Once again, I’m not interested, since I’m a few years ahead of the Olsen twin generation. The one bizarre observation I have about the trailer (which I saw when Liz and I went to 13 Going on 30) is that Jack Osbourne is in it for some reason, and he seems to be trying (unsuccessfully) to sound American.
How Likely I Am to See It: Extremely unlikely
Movie: The Notebook
Release Date: June 25
Summary: Based on Nicholas Sparks' sappy, mega-selling novel, this long-in-the-works adaptation centers on a retiree (James Garner) who regularly visits a nursing-home resident (Gena Rowlands), each time reading from a notebook that chronicles the World War II-era romance between two young lovers (Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams).
My Take: I saw the trailer for this when I saw 13 Going on 30, and there is either a catch to the story that seems really obvious to me, or they just want you to think there’s a catch. Either way, Marisa or Laura might like it, but the subject matter is really not my thing.
How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely
Movie: Before Sunset
Release Date: July 2
Summary: Nine years after greasy-haired, hyperverbal American Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and gorgeous Gallic free spirit Celine (Julie Delpy) spent 14 amazingly romantic hours together in Vienna, the "Before Sunrise" couple reunites in Paris, where they spend a precious few hours talking -- and then talking some more.
My Take: This is apparently a sequel to Before Sunrise, which I didn’t see. I did see Waking Life, however, which is also directed by Richard Linklater and features a cameo by these two characters. Richard Linklater seems to be fond of dialogue-heavy movies, judging from the above summary and from Waking Life, which is entirely dialogue about the philosophy of dreaming (but it is a very good movie nonetheless; it’s probably one of the most thought-provoking movies I’ve ever seen).
How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely
Movie: Breakin’ All the Rules
Release Date: May 7
Summary: Jamie Foxx stars in The Breakup Handbook, a romantic comedy about a man who, after being unceremoniously dumped by his fiancée, pens a "how to" book on breaking up and becomes a best-selling author on the subject. Not wanting his male friends to suffer the same fate, he gives them advice on dumping their mates. What ensues is a hilarious comedy of errors. Morris Chesnut and Gabrielle Union co-star.
My Take: I think IMDB is being a bit too optimistic, but MSN had barely any summary. Anyways, I usually place Jamie Foxx along the lines of the Wayans brothers and Anthony Anderson, and so I’m not interested.
How Likely I Am To See It: Extremely Unlikely
Movie: Super Size Me
Release Date: May 7
Summary: In this buzz-heavy fast-food documentary, Morgan Spurlock sacrifices his cholesterol level for the sake of art as he eats at McDonald's three times a day for a month. The results are not pretty.
My Take: I wish they’d be a bit more elaborate than “not pretty,” because I’m curious, but not curious enough to go see the thing. Then again, if you just want to know what eating only at McDonald’s does to you, just go to your nearest McDonald’s. If you’re there long enough, I guarantee that a perfect example will show up eventually. I’m not a big fan of McDonald’s myself. When it comes to fast food I prefer Subway and Wendy’s, although no one can beat Rally’s french fries (I haven’t had them in over five years, though, since our local Rally’s closed after the endless construction on the street it was on hurt its business too much). I had a friend once who claimed he had eaten at McDonald’s in 14 different countries (His verdict: Brazil is the best, except for chicken sandwiches in which case the US is the best, and Spain is the worst overall).
How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely, unless the Denison Film Society offers it next semester.
Movie: Coffee and Cigarettes
Release Date: May 14
Summary: A comic series of short vignettes built on one another to create a cumulative effect, as the characters discuss things as diverse as caffeine popsicles, Paris in the '20s, and the use of nicotine as an insecticide--all the while sitting around sipping coffee and smoking cigarettes.
My Take: Sounds like typical indie fare to me.
How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely
Movie: Soul Plane
Release Date: May 28
Summary: While the title sounds like a supernatural thriller about an alternate dimension, it's actually about "the first airline with soul," a sort of "Airplane!" meets "Barbershop." On the maiden flight of N.W.A., which caters to the African-American customer, Snoop Dogg is the pilot and Tom Arnold a passenger.
My Take: Not interested.
How Likely I Am To See It: Very Unlikely
Movie: Harold and Kumar Go To
Release Date: July 30
Summary: Dude, where are my all-beef patties? Hapless pals John Cho ("American Pie") and Kal Penn ("Malibu's Most Wanted") embark on a munchie-inspired road trip to satisfy their craving for the titular burgers. What results is a life-changing odyssey that includes face time with Doogie Howser, M.D. himself, Neil Patrick Harris.
My Take: Why?
How Likely I Am To See It: No Chance
Movie: Saved!
Release Date: May 28
Summary: When a girl (Jena Malone) attending a Baptist high school becomes pregnant, she finds herself ostracized and demonized, as all of her former friends turn on her.
My Take: Sounds like the perfect movie for Chris. I’ve actually heard two different things about this movie. One is that it presents all Christians as hypocritical bigots like the characters in the movie, and the other is that it’s pretty good about being specific towards satirizing only the overzealous evangelical types and not mainstream Christians. I’m hoping the second observation is true, because I’m sick and tired of being identified with a few ultraconservative individuals who have enough money to go on TV and make it seem like they’re the norm when they’re really not. However, that is just my pet peeve and really has nothing to do with this movie. At any rate, I enjoyed Dogma very much (even though I’m not Catholic, I went to a Catholic high school, so I could appreciate the humor and intelligence in it), but I’m probably going to skip this one, not because I’m afraid of being unfairly portrayed, but because I’m simply not that interested.
How Likely I Am To See It: Fairly Unlikely
Movie: Raising Helen
Release Date: May 28
Summary: After her sister and brother-in-law die in a car accident, a young woman becomes the guardian of their three children.
My Take: I saw the trailer for this one as well (you can probably guess which movie I was at). It looks like a typical chick flick to me. I’ll leave it to Marisa and Laura.
How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely
Movie: The Mother
Release Date: May 28
Summary: A grandmother has a passionate affair with a man half her age, who is also sleeping with her married daughter.
My Take: Not interested.
How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely
Movie: Napoleon Dynamite
Release Date: June 11
Summary: Preston, Idaho's most curious resident, Napoleon Dynamite (Heder), lives with his grandma and his 31-year-old brother (who cruises chat rooms for ladies) and works to help his best friend, Pedro (Efren Ramirez), snatch the Student Body President title from mean teen Summer Wheatley (Haylie Duff).
My Take: I detect a whiff of cinema purist surrounding this one.
How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely
Movie: White Chicks
Release Date: June 25
Summary: Marlon and Shawn Wayans will likely end up on Paris and Nicky Hilton's enemies list for this Keenan Ivory Wayans-directed comedy in which they play hapless FBI agents who try to foil a kidnapping attempt by posing as spoiled white heiresses Tiffany and Brittany Wilton.
My Take: I saw this one already. It was called Mrs. Doubtfire and Sister Act. It was also called Big Momma’s House, but I didn’t see that.
How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely
Movie:
Release Date: July 30
Summary: Formerly entitled, "Large's
My Take: Meh, what can I say?
How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely
Comments (3)
Can you believe I actually read all that?
You did a terrific job with your insight on all those movies... wow! Thanks for the heads up! I think I'm looking forward to seeing The Stepford Wives out of all those.
WOW!!! Thanks for the heads up on those movie. Too bad you couldnt find any that you liked.
Do not go see Troy because it is utterly unfaithful to the epic. Instead of ten years Brad Pitt clears the beach and city by lunchtime. And no gods at all!!!!
See The McDonald film - because he set out to prove how unhealthy it is and the results are horrible and he is now famous - he actually is being hailed as the guy who got McDonalds to start cleaning up and offering salad but apparently the salad has more fat in just the dressing than in any burger.
And see Shrek 2 just for the Puss In Boots character.
Comments are closed.