It’s time for the second installment of Tiger’s Summer Movie Guide, so let’s get right to it…

 

Drama

 

Movie: The Terminal

Release Date: June 19

Summary: Eastern European traveler Viktor (Tom Hanks) is forced to take up residence at the airport when he lands in New York City at the same time a coup wipes his country off the map, invalidating his passport. Steven Spielberg directs, with Catherine Zeta-Jones pratfalling as a flight attendant who catches Viktor's eye.

My Take: Believe it or not, this is loosely based on a true story. There is a man who was stuck living in the airport in Paris for over ten years because his passport and documentation were stolen (I think he was an Iranian refugee, but I’m not sure). From what I hear, he was eventually allowed to live in France, but he refuses to leave the airport (I guess being stuck in the same building for ten years does things to you). Anyways, some critics are calling this an early Oscar favorite, so I’ll probably check it out as I have no LOTR to root for this year and I want to avoid “Front-Runner Syndrome” (ask me about that at Oscar time next year if you’re not sure what I’m talking about). Plus, the last Spielberg-Hanks collaboration (Catch Me If You Can) was really good (I never saw Saving Private Ryan).

How Likely I Am To See It: Eventually (I might not get to it at the theater, but I’ll probably see it on DVD).

 

Movie: The Bourne Supremacy

Release Date: July 23

Summary: After the Chinese vice-premier is brutally murdered, the killer leaves the calling card of Jason Bourne. The CIA knows that Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) is in fact innocent of the crime. Now, Agent David Webb must step back into the shoes of Bourne to catch the impostor and to save the woman he loves.

My Take: I guess some cinema purist tendencies have rubbed off on me (which I why I’ve taken to calling myself a “fallen angel” or “fallen from the pure faith” as opposed to “anti-purist” or something like that). As such, I find that I really can’t enjoy action movies that have no substance anymore, and The Bourne Identity got kind of lumped into that category when it came out. Since I haven’t seen the first movie, there would be no reason to see the sequel.

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: The Village

Release Date: July 30

Summary: M. Night Shyamalan replaces "Signs" creepy cornfields with the creepy foliage of 19th century Pennsylvania. The tiny village of Covington lives in growing fear of the unseen creatures who inhabit the off-limits woods.

My Take: I haven’t seen Signs (for some reason, I just can’t whip up enthusiasm for a movie about farmers, aliens or no aliens) or The Sixth Sense (mostly because several people have told me that it isn’t worth seeing if you already know the plot twist at the end, and well, someone decided to announce it to an entire class one day, so I know what the plot twist is), but apparently M. Night Shyamalan seems intent on putting plot twists at the end of all his movies, as I hear that Signs and The Village have them as well. That’s probably not a good thing, seeing as it would eventually get old and predictable.

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: Collateral

Release Date: August 6

Summary: A cab driver finds himself the hostage of an engaging contract killer as he makes his rounds from hit to hit during one night in LA. He must find a way to save both himself and one last victim.

My Take: This movie seems to feature a lot of “against type” roles. Jamie Foxx is, for once, not in a “stupid humor” flick, and Tom Cruise is a down-and-out bad guy. MSN credits this as being his first role as a villain since he played Lestat in Interview With the Vampire, but Lestat really isn’t that much of a bad guy in terms of being an antagonist (although he has more of an antagonist edge in the movie than in the book).

How Likely I Am To See It: Probably not, but maybe I will on DVD

 

Movie: The Manchurian Candidate

Release Date: July 30

Summary: In this update of John Frankenheimer's 1962 political satire, Denzel Washington (taking over the lead from Frank Sinatra) is a Gulf War veteran trying to piece together a brainwashing conspiracy and assassination plot that involves his politically connected combat buddy (Liev Schreiber).

My Take: I never saw the original, but if it is as MSN, describes, I know a few people who ought to see it.

How Likely I Am To See It: Maybe.

 

Movie: De-Lovely

Release Date: June 25

Summary: Iconic composer Cole Porter (Kevin Kline), the man behind such standards as "Night and Day," "Let's Do It," and the titular number, looks back over his life in this Irwin Winkler-directed production, which focuses on his complicated relationship (he was gay) with his wife and muse, Linda Lee Porter (Ashley Judd). Kline performs several songs, including a duet of "In the Still of the Night" with Judd.

My Take: It doesn’t sound too bad, but I’m not really that interested.

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: The Clearing

Release Date: July 2

Summary: When a discontented schmo of an ex-employee (Willem Dafoe) kidnaps and holds for ransom a wealthy businessman (Robert Redford), the victim's wife (Helen Mirren) is forced to reassess their life together as she works with the FBI to bring him home safely.

My Take: I probably won’t see it, but I am amazed that for once they cast a woman for Redford’s wife that is around the same age as Redford.

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: Baadasssssssss!

Release Date: May 28

Summary: Director-writer Mario Van Peebles stars as his pioneering pop Melvin in this tribute to his dad's struggles to make the groundbreaking 1971 blaxploitation indie "Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song."

My Take: I’m not sure I typed the correct amount of Ss, which doesn’t endear me to the movie much.

How Likely I Am To See It: Very unlikely

 

Movie: Open Water

Release Date: August 6

Summary: The cautionary tale is based on the true story of a scuba-diving couple stranded in shark-infested waters.

My Take: I know it’s an indie film and that it’s based on a true story, but it still seems reminiscent of Jaws.

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: Carandiru

Release Date: May 14

Summary: Ever wondered what life is like inside Latin America's largest prison? It ain't Elvis Presley's "Jailhouse Rock," that's for sure. This drama tracks the inmates' struggles through the eyes of a recently arrived doctor.

My Take: Could it get any more ironic than this?

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: Mindhunters

Release Date: June 4

Summary: On a remote island, the FBI has a training program for their psychological profiling division, called "Mindhunters", used to track down serial killers. The training goes horribly wrong, however, when a group of seven young agents discover that one of them is a serial killer, and is setting about slaying the others. Can the few that are left figure out who the killer is in time?

My Take: I’d be more interested if the movie didn’t star Val Kilmer…

How Likely I Am To See It: Only if I catch it on TV some day

 

Movie: Riding Giants

Release Date: July 9

Summary: In this extreme documentary, director Stacy Peralta does for surfing what he did for skateboarding in "Dogtown and Z-Boys." Audiences will feel like their hanging ten as he combines classic big wave-riding footage and interviews to produce the ultimate history of surf culture.

My Take: I’m not really into surfing documentaries, but I do remember seeing the trailer to The Endless Summer II, so how much more is there to say?

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: She Hate Me

Release Date: July 30

Summary: Spike Lee directs this story of fraud and fertility in which biotech exec Jack Armstrong (Anthony Mackie), in desperate need of a job after he turns whistleblower, finds an available position as a sperm donor to baby-craving lesbians.

My Take: I’ve never really been a Spike Lee fan, but this sounds like odd subject matter for him.

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: Darkness

Release Date: June 18

Summary: A teen (Anna Paquin) and her family move to a remote country house with a terrifying past and menacing presence.

My Take: This sounds like an overdone theme, doesn’t it? And why is Anna Paquin still playing teens? She’s a year older than I am.

How Likely I Am To See It: Very unlikely

 

Movie: A Home At the End of the World

Release Date: July 23

Summary: It chronicles the complex, decades-long relationship of childhood chums Bobby (Colin Farrell) and Jonathan (Dallas Roberts)

My Take: I’ll pass, I guess

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: Cellular

Release Date: August 20

Summary: "Phone Booth" scribe Larry Cohen continues his telecommunications theme with this thriller that centers on a guy (Chris Evans) who receives a cell phone call from a kidnapped woman (Kim Basinger).

My Take: I never saw Phone Booth, but it seems to me that Larry Cohen might just be in a rut. However, something about this intrigues me.

How Likely I Am To See It: Possibly

Welcome to Tiger’s Summer Movie Guide, where you get input from a picky “fallen angel” realist student filmmaker instead of lofty cinema purist critics who only like artsy/independent films that get zero release (the critic remark is not my quote, but I like it). Unfortunately, this summer does not seem to be nearly as promising as last summer (But then again, how can you compete with a huge summer that gave us X2, Finding Nemo, The Matrix Reloaded, and Pirates of the Caribbean, among others?). However, I’ll give you my take on how these mostly as-yet-unreleased (some have already been released, since I’m a little late with this) movies, as well as give you an indication as to how likely I am to see them (in most cases, I’m not likely, but I’ll still talk about them). By the way, the summaries and release dates come courtesy of MSN.com or IMDB (in other words, I did not write the summaries). I decided to keep MSN’s hyperlinks in, just in case you wanted to read up on something or someone (and this will also help differentiate the MSN summaries from the IMDB summaries).

 

UPDATE: I decided to do this over the course of several days, highlighting a different genre each day, because the thing is too damn long to put into one post (It’s already extremely long with each genre). So without further ado…

 

Comedy/Romance

 

Movie: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

Release Date: July 9

Summary: It's the '70s, and Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) is a popular San Diego newsman cut from the same cloth as "Mary Tyler Moore"'s Ted Baxter and Chevy Chase's "Weekend Update" anchor, which means he's a perfectly coiffed, totally clueless, polyester-suited sexist egomaniac. But Ron's testosterone-filled world is threatened by the arrival of a real journalist, the beautiful Veronica Corningstone (Christina Applegate).

My Take: I hadn’t even heard of this movie until recently. I’m not really a big fan of Will Ferrell, to tell you the truth. He was funny enough on Saturday Night Live, but for some reason, most SNL alums just don’t make good movies (neither do SNL sketches, for that matter; what is funny for ten minutes might not be funny for two hours). At any rate, it just isn’t my cup of tea.

How Likely I Am to See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: The Stepford Wives

Release Date: June 11

Summary: Joanna Eberhart, a wildly succesful president of a TV Network, after a series of shocking events suffers a nervous breakdown and is moved by her milquetoast of a husband, Walter, from Manhattan to the chic, upper-class and very modern planned community of Stepford, Connecticut. Once there, she makes good friends with the ascerbic Bobbie Markowitz, a jewish writer who's also a recovering alcoholic. Together they find out, much to their growing stupor and-then horror, that all the housewives in town are strangely blissful, and somehow... doomed. What is going on behind the closed doors of the Stepford Men's Association and the Stepford Day Spa? Why is everything perfect here? Will it be too late for Joanna and Bobbie when they finally find out? (NOTE: This summary is courtesy of IMDB).

My Take: This is based on a horror movie made in 1975, although this time they’re re-making it as a comedy. I saw the first five minutes of the original when I was 12 or 13, and I managed to guess the plot of the movie almost exactly, even though I had never heard of it before (**SPOILER** Except I thought that the wives were brainwashed instead of being replaced with robots, but the idea was the same **END SPOILER**). I saw the last five minutes a few years later, to which my reaction was “Well, that kinda sucks” (the ending itself, not the movie, which I can’t really give an opinion on). I don’t know if this re-make will end the same way, but I will probably try to find out before I decide whether or not to see it (I know, I know, but with The Movie Spoiler, doing that is pretty easy, and some movies you just want to know more about before you see them).

How Likely I Am to See It: Maybe, if I have nothing else to do or one of my friends wants to see it.

 

Movie: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Release Date: June 18

Summary: A group of misfits enter a Las Vegas dodgeball tournament in order to save their cherished local gym from the onslaught of a corporate health fitness chain.

My Take: Not a fan of Ben Stiller; not interested.

How Likely I Am to See It: No chance

 

Movie: New York Minute

Release Date: May 7

Summary: One day in New York City, as Jane Ryan (Ashley Olsen) tries out for an overseas college program and her sister Roxy (Mary-Kate Olsen) schemes to meet her favorite punk rockers, a series of mishaps throws their day into chaos. In order for them both to accomplish their goals, the normally adversarial sisters decide to unite against the forces around them.

My Take: Once again, I’m not interested, since I’m a few years ahead of the Olsen twin generation. The one bizarre observation I have about the trailer (which I saw when Liz and I went to 13 Going on 30) is that Jack Osbourne is in it for some reason, and he seems to be trying (unsuccessfully) to sound American.

How Likely I Am to See It: Extremely unlikely

 

Movie: The Notebook

Release Date: June 25

Summary: Based on Nicholas Sparks' sappy, mega-selling novel, this long-in-the-works adaptation centers on a retiree (James Garner) who regularly visits a nursing-home resident (Gena Rowlands), each time reading from a notebook that chronicles the World War II-era romance between two young lovers (Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams).

My Take: I saw the trailer for this when I saw 13 Going on 30, and there is either a catch to the story that seems really obvious to me, or they just want you to think there’s a catch. Either way, Marisa or Laura might like it, but the subject matter is really not my thing.

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: Before Sunset

Release Date: July 2

Summary: Nine years after greasy-haired, hyperverbal American Jesse (Ethan Hawke) and gorgeous Gallic free spirit Celine (Julie Delpy) spent 14 amazingly romantic hours together in Vienna, the "Before Sunrise" couple reunites in Paris, where they spend a precious few hours talking -- and then talking some more.

My Take: This is apparently a sequel to Before Sunrise, which I didn’t see. I did see Waking Life, however, which is also directed by Richard Linklater and features a cameo by these two characters. Richard Linklater seems to be fond of dialogue-heavy movies, judging from the above summary and from Waking Life, which is entirely dialogue about the philosophy of dreaming (but it is a very good movie nonetheless; it’s probably one of the most thought-provoking movies I’ve ever seen).

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: Breakin’ All the Rules

Release Date: May 7

Summary: Jamie Foxx stars in The Breakup Handbook, a romantic comedy about a man who, after being unceremoniously dumped by his fiancée, pens a "how to" book on breaking up and becomes a best-selling author on the subject. Not wanting his male friends to suffer the same fate, he gives them advice on dumping their mates. What ensues is a hilarious comedy of errors. Morris Chesnut and Gabrielle Union co-star.

My Take: I think IMDB is being a bit too optimistic, but MSN had barely any summary. Anyways, I usually place Jamie Foxx along the lines of the Wayans brothers and Anthony Anderson, and so I’m not interested.

How Likely I Am To See It: Extremely Unlikely

 

 

Movie: Super Size Me

Release Date: May 7

Summary: In this buzz-heavy fast-food documentary, Morgan Spurlock sacrifices his cholesterol level for the sake of art as he eats at McDonald's three times a day for a month. The results are not pretty.

My Take: I wish they’d be a bit more elaborate than “not pretty,” because I’m curious, but not curious enough to go see the thing. Then again, if you just want to know what eating only at McDonald’s does to you, just go to your nearest McDonald’s. If you’re there long enough, I guarantee that a perfect example will show up eventually. I’m not a big fan of McDonald’s myself. When it comes to fast food I prefer Subway and Wendy’s, although no one can beat Rally’s french fries (I haven’t had them in over five years, though, since our local Rally’s closed after the endless construction on the street it was on hurt its business too much). I had a friend once who claimed he had eaten at McDonald’s in 14 different countries (His verdict: Brazil is the best, except for chicken sandwiches in which case the US is the best, and Spain is the worst overall).

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely, unless the Denison Film Society offers it next semester.

 

Movie: Coffee and Cigarettes

Release Date: May 14

Summary: A comic series of short vignettes built on one another to create a cumulative effect, as the characters discuss things as diverse as caffeine popsicles, Paris in the '20s, and the use of nicotine as an insecticide--all the while sitting around sipping coffee and smoking cigarettes.

My Take: Sounds like typical indie fare to me.

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: Soul Plane

Release Date: May 28

Summary: While the title sounds like a supernatural thriller about an alternate dimension, it's actually about "the first airline with soul," a sort of "Airplane!" meets "Barbershop." On the maiden flight of N.W.A., which caters to the African-American customer, Snoop Dogg is the pilot and Tom Arnold a passenger.

My Take: Not interested.

How Likely I Am To See It: Very Unlikely

 

Movie: Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle

Release Date: July 30

Summary: Dude, where are my all-beef patties? Hapless pals John Cho ("American Pie") and Kal Penn ("Malibu's Most Wanted") embark on a munchie-inspired road trip to satisfy their craving for the titular burgers. What results is a life-changing odyssey that includes face time with Doogie Howser, M.D. himself, Neil Patrick Harris.

My Take: Why?

How Likely I Am To See It: No Chance

 

Movie: Saved!

Release Date: May 28

Summary: When a girl (Jena Malone) attending a Baptist high school becomes pregnant, she finds herself ostracized and demonized, as all of her former friends turn on her.

My Take: Sounds like the perfect movie for Chris. I’ve actually heard two different things about this movie. One is that it presents all Christians as hypocritical bigots like the characters in the movie, and the other is that it’s pretty good about being specific towards satirizing only the overzealous evangelical types and not mainstream Christians. I’m hoping the second observation is true, because I’m sick and tired of being identified with a few ultraconservative individuals who have enough money to go on TV and make it seem like they’re the norm when they’re really not. However, that is just my pet peeve and really has nothing to do with this movie. At any rate, I enjoyed Dogma very much (even though I’m not Catholic, I went to a Catholic high school, so I could appreciate the humor and intelligence in it), but I’m probably going to skip this one, not because I’m afraid of being unfairly portrayed, but because I’m simply not that interested.

How Likely I Am To See It: Fairly Unlikely

 

Movie: Raising Helen

Release Date: May 28

Summary: After her sister and brother-in-law die in a car accident, a young woman becomes the guardian of their three children.

My Take: I saw the trailer for this one as well (you can probably guess which movie I was at). It looks like a typical chick flick to me. I’ll leave it to Marisa and Laura.

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: The Mother

Release Date: May 28

Summary: A grandmother has a passionate affair with a man half her age, who is also sleeping with her married daughter.

My Take: Not interested.

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: Napoleon Dynamite

Release Date: June 11

Summary: Preston, Idaho's most curious resident, Napoleon Dynamite (Heder), lives with his grandma and his 31-year-old brother (who cruises chat rooms for ladies) and works to help his best friend, Pedro (Efren Ramirez), snatch the Student Body President title from mean teen Summer Wheatley (Haylie Duff).

My Take: I detect a whiff of cinema purist surrounding this one.

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: White Chicks

Release Date: June 25

Summary: Marlon and Shawn Wayans will likely end up on Paris and Nicky Hilton's enemies list for this Keenan Ivory Wayans-directed comedy in which they play hapless FBI agents who try to foil a kidnapping attempt by posing as spoiled white heiresses Tiffany and Brittany Wilton.

My Take: I saw this one already. It was called Mrs. Doubtfire and Sister Act. It was also called Big Momma’s House, but I didn’t see that.

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

 

Movie: Garden State

Release Date: July 30

Summary: Formerly entitled, "Large's Ark". This ensemble dramatic film, is the story of a young man who returns back home for his mother's funeral after being estranged from his family for a decade.

My Take: Meh, what can I say?

How Likely I Am To See It: Unlikely

Okay, so it's been almost a month since I was last here. I'd like to give you some profound and meaningful excuse for why I wasn't here, but I don't have one. I was actually going to post on Sunday, but our power was knocked out for 11 hours during a lightning storm (which my mom blamed on me, since I like storms and she can't stand that, for some reason). Anyways, I'm not going to post a very long blog today, but I'm planning a loooooooong summer movie guide to make up for it, which I'll post either tomorrow or later in the week. For now, though, I've got my grades:

Introduction to Macroeconomics: A-

General Physics II: B

20th Century Music: A

Computer Music: A

Research Practicum: A-

My semester GPA is 3.67 (That gets me Dean's List. Yay!) and my cumulative GPA is 3.45 (unfortunately Liz was right about how each semester affects your cumulative GPA less and less as you get further into college, otherwise it would be higher). I'm extremely surprised that I got an A in Computer Music, not because of anything I did, but because I had written it off as one of those classes that you try your best but get a B in anyways (like my cinema production classes). As for Physics, I'm guessing it was the homework that killed me, since I got As on the majority of the exam. Either that, or I bombed the final, which is a distinct possibility. I've never been super good with finals, even in high school (however, in high school, I always got As during the quarters, so I could get as low as a C on the finals and still get As for the semester).

Liz has graduated, and I miss her (watching these new episodes of Inuyasha just isn't the same when I have to watch it alone). I haven't talked to her in a while. The last time we really hung out was right before exam week. We went to Easton and saw 13 Going on 30. Surprisingly, it is really good (Some people have written it off as a female version of Big, which I can't really agree or disagree with, since I only saw Big once and I was 8 years old when I saw it). I know I've said bad things about Jennifer Garner in the past, but she is really good in this movie. And most of you should know that I usually despise chick flicks, so for me to say I liked this means some who are skeptic may also like it, although I'm specifically going to recommend it to Laura and Marisa. On a sort of inside joke angle, I kept noticing hints of Jennifer Garner's college training background surfacing, which was kind of weird, since I'm one of the few who would be able to notice it. For those of you who don't know, Jennifer Garner is a Denison alum (a fact that they used to keep ramming down our throats here, although it is starting to subside), and I have had the same acting professor that she had (this professor just retired this year, so I'm actually one of the last who had him for a class). He had a very set method for what makes good acting, and this specifically included very strict rules for inflection (Don't verbally stress words when speaking; don't make commas sound like questions; alter pitch/tempo/rhythm after a pause in the line, etc), and some of Jennifer Garner's delivery was ripe with those rules. The most obvious occurence is in the line "Do you want to play a game? Do you have Battleship?" That's Dr. Farris all over. Anyways, it's kind of weird being able to notice that.

For some reason my Internet connection is being really slooooooooooooooow right now.

Well, that's all for now. I'll hopefully post my summer movie guide tomorrow.