January 7, 2003

• Well, it's a little late, but it's here:

  
  

  VOTE FOR THE DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF 2002!!!

  
  

  Here's the final ballot. I've provided links to the commercials where I could:

  
  

  1. Pier 1 Imports (submitted by JKJoker): Other than saying that Kirstie Alley is the spokesperson, these commercials are kinda hard to describe. This is what Pier 1 has to say about them (and I got this directly from their website): "Pier 1 launched a new ad campaign...with store graphics, direct mail and magazine and television ads based on the positioning statement "Get in touch with your senses.®" The campaign evolved from research revealing that our customers value the sensory shopping experience. Campaign images evoke the sights, smells, sounds, textures and colors that envelop Pier 1 shoppers. The campaign also features actress and celebrity spokeswoman Kirstie Alley." Really? Then why are they so goddamn annoying????

  
  

  2. Old Navy Family Fleece (submitted by Marisa): Morgan Fairchild and the American Idol losers lead this takeoff of Family Feud, in which all answers relate to fleece pullovers. I never liked Old Navy commercials, but they've gotten exceedingly bad in the last year or two. This is one of the most annoying ones.

  
  

  3. Hoover Floormate (submitted by Marisa): A kangaroo comes bouncing into a woman's kitchen, tracking muddy pawprints all over the floor. The woman starts screaming, sort of. Outside, a "manly man" jumps out of a Jeep and runs into the house, where the woman is now about as high-strung as she can get. The man sees the pawprints and declares (in an exaggerated Australian accent reminiscent of Crocodile Dundee): "I can clean that floor, mate." He then plunks the "Hoover Floormate" (which was strapped to his back) onto the floor and proceeds to get rid of all the pawprints. Not only does this commercial have the most groan-worthy catchphrase that I've heard in a long time, it should probably be sued by the entire nation of Australia.

  
  

  4. Progressive Car Insurance Plumber Ad (submitted by my mom): A guy has a leak that floods his house to about three feet deep. You see the family marrooned on the couch like it's a raft, and the dog goes floating by on his bed. However, he's a Progressive customer, and he wants the plumber to "give the rates of three of his competitors" before he gets to work.

  
  

  5. Matthew Lesko's Free Money to Change Your Life (submitted by Marisa): Matthew Lesko is that guy who wears the jacket with question marks all over it. He sells a book about little-known government grants, and he screams excitedly about it in your face a lot during the commercial.

  
  

  6. Pledge With Orange Oil (submitted by Marisa): A woman puts a dog bowl of water down in front of a cabinet. The cabinet door reaches down and "drinks" from the dog bowl. This one scares Marisa to no end.

  
  

  7. Maaco (submitted by JKJoker): Burt Reynolds has fallen-big time. He used to be fairly well-respected (he was even an Oscar nominee). Now he gets to say "Uh, oh...Better get Maaco!"

  
  

  8. Visa Check Card with Charlie/Martin Sheen (submitted by Marisa): Charlie Sheen is at the video store, buying some of the movies he was in. The clerk recognizes him and starts getting all excited. Charlie Sheen asks him to take a check, and the clerk asks him for ID. Time passes while the clerk checks the ID. Finally, we see a close-up of Charlie Sheen's driver's license as the clerk says "This doesn't look like you." The license falls out of frame, revealing MARTIN Sheen standing at the desk (for those of you who are dense, Martin Sheen is Charlie Sheen's father and he is portraying his son in this commerical). He says, "It did when I came in here." The commercial ends with Martin-as-Charlie Sheen trying to hit on a girl. Personally I LIKE this commercial, but apparently Marisa does not, so I'm forced to include it.

  
  

  9. Immodium AD with Santa (submitted by me): We see a fireplace, with Santa's legs in view (he's either going up or coming down the chimney). Then the announcer says, "Where will you be when your diarrhea comes back?" That's just DISGUSTING!

  
  

  10. Carrot Top and 1-800-CALL-ATT (submitted by me): Pick one, they're all bad. He's not funny. Never was, never will be...

  
  

  There they are. To vote, just state your choice in the comments section of this post. It's that simple. You have until February 1st. Happy voting!

  • 3:18 am
  • 18 Comments