VOTE NOW FOR THE WORST COMMERCIAL OF 2005!!!

Just leave your vote in the comments section. It was kind of weird this year, because out of the 6 commercials that were nominated by other people, I’d only seen two. However, I was able to verify all the rest but one (sorry, tumbling_dice, but you’re still welcome to vote). Just to keep things the same, I’ve added five more to take the total to 10. As always, I’ve provided links to view the commercials online when available (like you’d want to, but if you want to make a more informed decision, there you go):

1. Geico (Submitted by andromediva): Geico’s becoming known for commercials that start out seeming like other commercials before someone reveals they “just saved a bunch of money on their car insurance.” Andromediva’s specific complaint is against the commercial featuring fitness guru Tony Little. The commercial starts out looking exactly like one of his exercise equipment infomercials (which, if you stay up as late as I do, you’ve undoubtedly seen before). It even has the same host (“Stacey”). Tony starts giving a standard sales pitch until he gets “Stacey” really excited. He then says he has good news. “Stacey” replies, “Tell me more.” Tony then yells, “I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico! YEAH BABY!!!” Then there is a really bizarre shot of Tony on his exercise machine yelling “You can do it!” Andromediva says she’s been waiting all year to nominate this one.


2. KFC (Submitted by YoImErin): I don’t think I’ve ever seen this one, but my mom has verified that it exists, so I’m including it on the ballot. A mom gets her family the chicken they want from KFC, so they all clap and cheer for her while she stands up and takes a bow. YoImErin says it’s really annoying.


3. Dirt Devil (Submitted by YoImErin): I actually hadn’t seen this one, either, but Dirt Devil has it on their website so I was able to view it. Some people are at a party when someone spills something. The party’s host gets out about five Dirt Devils and hands them out to the guests. Everyone starts dancing as they clean up the spills. For some reason, YoImErin’s summary strikes me as funny, and, yeah, the commercial is pretty dumb.


4. Verizon (Submitted by my dad): Ah, yes. Verizon was the Dumbest Commericial of 2003, and it looks like they’re trying to go for a second time. A family is at the mall, having a rather confusing discussion about who is going to call who (why, I don’t know). Once they finally get it settled, the teenage son speaks up and points out to the dad that he and his sister don’t have cell phones. The mom then says to the dad that she doesn’t have a cell phone either, and finally the dad admits that he also does not have a cell phone. Cue the Verizon sales pitch of the day, followed by a shot of the family, now with cell phones, trying to figure out who is going to call who.


5. Jimmy Dean Sausage (Submitted by my mom): I’ve only seen a bit of this commercial, but I know it exists and it drives my mom crazy. There’s a guy in a sun costume cooking breakfast (presumably, Jimmy Dean Sausage), and his mother walks by, telling him not to burn it. The “sun” gets irate, complaining that everybody always thinks he’s going to burn the food because he’s the sun. Meanwhile, I’m not sure what this has to do with sausage.


6. Imodium A-D (Submitted by me): This commercial was played pretty heavily earlier in the year. There’s a woman laying on the beach, when she suddenly sits up and gets a shocked look on her face. The announcer speaks in an ominous voice about how you can feel it coming…”It’s…diarrhea!” The woman pulls a book off her stomach to reveal a scene from a Godzilla movie superimposed on her middle. The fact that diarrhea is being portrayed by Godzilla is just disturbing. What's even more disturbing is that Imodium A-D's website has a "Fun & Games" section.


7. Meijer (Submitted by me): A dad brings home a large Christmas tree and sets it up in the corner while the excited-looking kids stand by with boxes of ornaments in their hands. The dad grabs some hedge clippers and begins clipping some branches off. As he hacks at the tree more and more, the kids start to look worried. Finally, he’s finished, and the only branches left are about the top six inches of the tree. The kids by now are in tears. Cut to Christmas morning, when the kids come downstairs. There is now an insanely massive amount of presents “under” (actually, “in front of” would be a more accurate description) the tree.


8. Wendy’s (Submitted by me): After assaulting us with “Mr. Wendy” throughout 2004, Wendy’s has to again annoy us with not one, but two, really stupid ad campaigns. The first was called “Choices” and it was on early in the year. It was kind of a spoof of “The Bachelorette,” with an attractive woman trying to choose not between attractive guys, but between the side she wants with her combo. The announcer gives an uber-dramatic speech about how the chili makes her laugh and the fries steal her heart, etc. Suddenly, there’s a flash, and the woman is standing in line at Wendy’s (in other words, the previous scene was all in her imagination). The Wendy’s employee gives her a puzzled look as she gives a teary answer. This campaign didn’t last long but Wendy’s had a real doozy in the fall with the Ranch Tooth. Some guy explains that while others have a sweet tooth, he has a ranch tooth. The guy is “followed” around everywhere by a giant tooth with a face and a cowboy hat. The tooth keeps yelling “RANCH!” at the guy, no matter where he is (in the park, at a wedding, in bed, etc.). The fact that the Ranch Tooth sounds vaguely like Ray Romano makes it even more annoying.


9. Dr. Scholl’s (Submitted by me): This is one of those “Why-Didn’t-I-Nominate-It-Before” entries. You’ve seen ‘em for years. They’re the commercials for the massaging gel insoles, with people standing around talking about how much they’re “gellin’.” Just when they’ve been gone for a while and I think the whole ad campaign’s over, they start it up again.


10. Raisin Bran Crunch (Submitted by me): This is another one that’s been around for a couple of years. It started as a boss trying to fire his employee, Johnson. However, as the boss is talking to him and giving him the standard “nice way to fire someone” talk, Johnson is eating a bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch and the crunch is so loud he can’t hear the boss, so nothing comes of it. It’s now gotten to the point where the boss has tried to get other people to fire Johnson, and either they end up commending Johnson for his work ethic or they themselves are eating Raisin Bran Crunch and can’t hear the boss’s complaints. Never mind that in the real world, Johnson might get the hint when he stopped getting a paycheck…

There you have it. Vote away! You have until January 15^th to do so.

I AM NOW TAKING NOMINATIONS FOR THE 9TH ANNUAL DUMBEST COMMERCIAL OF THE YEAR CONTEST!!!

I started this contest with a few friends in 8th grade and it has steadily expanded. I'm running it on Xanga for the fourth year in a row. This is your chance to vent and complain about the commercials from this year that you never want to see again. For those of you who are new this time around (or for those who need a friendly reminder), here are the rules:

1. The commercial had to have aired sometime in 2005 (preferably for the first time, but I'm willing to make exceptions).

2. No movie ads (we know they're stupid; don't reinforce it), although commercials that spoof movie ads are welcome.

3. No video ads (unless it's one of those you have to order over the phone or something like that).

4. Submit local commercials at your own risk. If I don't know what you're talking about, I won't list it. I know this rule automatically disqualifies international commercials. I'm sorry about that, but I'm only a poor American college graduate who doesn't have access to TV from other countries (Well, I kinda do, but downloads rarely come with commercials). Perhaps you guys could start up your own...

5. Please, do not submit anything obscene or pornographic.

Past winners (or losers, depending on your POV) are:

1997: Big Lots (If you don't remember "Closeout Man," be glad you don't. If you do, my condolences)

1998: Affordable Chiropractic (This was a local commercial, but the contest was still local then. Basically, it featured a bunch of REALLY bad actors doing whatever-such as riding motorcycles in a field or playing basketball-and one complains about his/her bad back, and another recommends this Affordable Chiropractic. Then the camera would pan over to a guy with a guitar singing a really bad jingle off-key:"I'm pain-free, it's as easy as 1,2,3..." Luckily, this place is now out of business so I don't have to put up with it anymore.)

1999: Home Depot (Santa Claus crashes into the chimney. C'mon people...)

2000: D-Con (This is probably the most disturbing one so far. We are shown a bunch of warm, fuzzy shots of Christmas trees, stockings, cookies, etc, while the announcer reads the first few lines of "The Night Before Christmas." After all these warm, fuzzy shots, the announcer says the line "Not a creature was stirring, not even a...mouse." The word "mouse" is said in a really evil tone, and at the same point, we are offered a shot of the D-Con box. How tasteless can you get?)

2001: Dell ("Dude, you were really annoying." Not that the ad campaign that replaced him is any better)

2002: 1-800-CALL-ATT (Why they ever thought Carrot Top would be entertaining is a mystery that may never be solved).

2003: Verizon ("Can you hear me now?" 'Nuff said).

2004: Cherry Pepto Bismol (This featured a line of about 5 grocery store employees dancing in front of the check-out. This dance involved grabbing the parts of the body that Pepto Bismol treats, including stomachs and butts. Intermittently, a hand holding a bottle of Cherry Pepto Bismol popped in front of the camera, obscuring the view of the dancers. The hand kind of shook or bounced the bottle to the beat of the music. I'm not sure who came up with this lame-brained idea, but they need to be fired).

Please spread the word as well. I'll take nominations until Christmas Day, so hurry!!!

Okay, how could it have been almost 7 months since I graduated from college when I have done absolutely NOTHING? You’d think time would pass more slowly than that.

I made my weekly trip to the main library downtown today. I was supposed to fill out a job application while I was there (since I am no longer working at the Anderson’s and my job with Bath and Body Works is only until the beginning of January), but I forgot to bring my list of addresses and phone numbers so it’ll have to wait until next week. For once, I didn’t check any books out. Instead, I raided the AV Department (since I came on a Thursday, I can have movies for 4 days instead of 2). From my choices, I seem to be having a Foreign Film Festival this weekend. I ended up checking out movies from India (Lagaan), France (A Very Long Engagement), and China (House of Flying Daggers). I also found a DVD of The Polar Express, which really surprised me (since it just came out and it usually takes the library months to get new stuff in, unless it’s a Harry Potter book), so I checked that out as well. So far, I’ve watched a couple of the special features on the Polar Express DVD, namely the performance of the song “Believe” (which I’d already seen, since I already have a DVD with that performance on it), and a little four-minute “Behind the Scenes look” at the recording of “Believe” (“Behind the scenes” is in quotations because it’s not really much of a “behind the scenes look.” It’s mostly the lyricist talking about how great the singer is, and the singer talking about how great the composer, lyricist, and song are, with a few shots of footage from the recording booth thrown in for good measure). Needless to say, it was kind of a useless feature, but I’ve seen worse (such as a mostly boring 20-minute “Bonus DVD” that came with a certain time-traveling CD).

I’m right now about 20 minutes into Lagaan, which Darby describes as “the movie that will finally get you to understand cricket.” They just finished the first song (for those of you who don’t already know, all Bollywood movies are 3 hours long and they are all musicals). The only complaints I have so far are that the main guy looks like a Vulcan and for some reason they don’t translate some words (they get subtitled, but in anglicized Hindi, not in English). I probably won’t finish it tonight (since the movie is freakin’ three hours long), but I’d like to make it through the first tape. Laura and I plan on seeing Pride and Prejudice on Saturday (and hopefully stop for bubble tea afterward), so that ought to round out my weekend.